THOUGHTS: LEAVING AND SAYING GOODBYE

I’ll be moving to London soon, one of my favourite places in the world, the place where I’ve dreamed of living ever since I was a little child. But something isn’t right. I’ve been waiting for this for years and it’s finally happening and I’m not excited about it. I’m not happy. I’m not happy living where I live now either but I thought I would be over the moon when this moment came. So what’s wrong? Is is the fact that I’m too depressed to even be happy about anything? Is it because I’m afraid of change? And then there’s you… I don’t even know what to make of you. I don’t know if I’ll get to say goodbye to you or even tell you that I’m leaving and that’s just sad…It breaks my heart that I didn’t get to have you, at least not completely. It breaks my heart that I didn’t get more from you, more of you. All I really wanted all this time was more of you and now there’s no more time. I thought I had more time but I guess I don’t. What if you only find out that I left after I’m gone? I wonder what you’ll feel when you discover that you’ll probably never see me again. I wonder a lot if you care. I know you used to, but time has passed and I don’t know anything anymore. God, this is hard. Since I’ve met you I’ve had always had the feeling you’d come back to me and we’d be togheter and you came back but it didn’t go the way it was supposed to and now I’m the one who’s leaving and the feeling that we’ll be togheter someday it’s still here. But I don’t think that’s possible, our lives are going in different directions. So why do I still feel that way?

All I know is that I wanna say goodbye…

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